...and life goes on...

im happy. ive got a new girlfriend. ive been dating her since saturday, but ive had a crush on her for awhile. i really dont care what people think, people have to much to say anyways. im not judgemental like that. i think she is beautiful, and i really <3 her. shes amazing. she makes me happy, unlike most people who just piss me off. also it is helping me get over kelsy. ive become more attached to her, and less worried about kelsy. i dont need her. kelsy always treats me like shit. im tired of it. this time i found someone who is really sweet. im happy for once in my life. i didnt think it would ever happen... aside from that its a girl who ive had a crush on for awhile now, and now im actually able to be with her.

aside from that i havent really been doing much, just hanging out, work, school etc. and the fact that my gf goes to my school is even better. cuz i get to be with her during the week too. work still sucks.. its too much bullshit to deal with for a minimum wage job. ive been hanging out with keith his boyfriend lives in the same town as my girlfriend. so we hang out alot now. im kinda pissed the other day we got kicked out of a pizza place for being gay.. maybe its just me but i think thats fucked up, also illegal. but w/e

other than that there isnt really much going on. i think ive finally settled down with one girl though. i mean im not messing around like i used to when i was dating long-distance (kelsy). now that i have a girlfriend that lives close i feel more committed to a relationship, my feelings for her are pretty strong. hopefully things are changing for the better. well anyways.. im done rambling. later.

i love you babe
3/18/06

*sighs* i have no life so im sitting here venting in this online journal that no one reads anyways.. but i guess i feel better getting my thoughts out somewhere.

that bullshit hspa testing that i have to do this week is tiring me out. ive had to get up at 6am for 3 days to go take tests.. im half asleep at that time, and they expect me to take a test and do well. the math was what killed me.. i didnt know half of the shit on the test. o well. hopefully i passed.

anyways..work is starting to irritate me...i do everything and everyone else does nothing.. its annoying when people just stand around and i'm running around trying to do 10 things at once. then my manager trying to change my hours after i stayed to help him out.. fuck that.

well it looks like spring is around the corner. im tired of the cold. i want summer to come, theres so much more stuff to do in the summer... im still debating weather or not to go see kelsy... i really do have feelings for her, but i dont like the way she treats me sometimes... she has an attitude like she owns me... everyone asks why im still with her... i dont really have an answer. its like im really in love with her to the extent that i dont think i could function without her.. i know she can be a bitch, but im so attached to her. i guarentee i will end up going to see her. but its something to do.anyways.

its not like i have many friends around here anyways... i feel like ive lost alot of friends. idk. i can be an asshole sometimes... actually im a sarcastic bastard 90% of the time. i joke around way to much. i hate being serious...one thing i dont do is lie to people, im very open, and i speak whats on my mind..oh well. if i dont like you im not going to bullshit with you and make you think that i do. i dont talk shit, if i dont like you why would i want to talk about you? exactly. 

i doubt anyone is going to take the time and read this.. but yeah, just a long vent i needed to write somewhere... *sighs*

i think im heading to bed... its been a long fuckin week and i have the next two days off !! im happy. 
goodnight <3 melissa

okay. im exhausted from work. i need a vacation.. i cant wait for this summer. im getting a season pass to dorney park. so i can drag all my non-existant friends with me. theres not much going on in my life right now...same shit, just a different day.. my mind is blank and the lack of sleep is wearing me down. i wish i could find the right girl...hopefully one day..*sighs* im such a hopeless romantic.

i really dont have much to complain about. two snow days in a row and some time to relax. everything has been goin good lately, for the most part..

i sent kelsy an email today appologizing for being a bitch, when in reality i was telling her how i truely felt. i saw she was posting bullitins and asking random people to date her... shows how much she really ever cared. it hurts knowing that i loved her and cared about her and i never meant shit to her. i wish i knew, before i became so attached to her. i just dont know what to do anymore. im going to end this with some lyrics.. i cant really think of much to say right now...

Atreyu_ Right Side of the bed

I can see her now
Dancing around, her drink in hand
All her baggage in tow
I just want to forget and let go
Of all the joy, all of the pain
I took your guilt and placed it into me
And now I kiss it goodbye
Our last dance ended fatall

Who's sleeping on my side of the bed tonight?
Have you ever cried so hard?
Baby you just died

There she goes again
Another masquerade in false circumstance
She'll fuck you just for the taste
I just wish I could replace all the memories
Of what makes my blood run cold
And as your blood flows through me
I say goodbye to what we had

She came and went
I gnawed through my lip
Makeup smeared in her eyes
Each sob's a reason to say goodbye.
Sometimes when you're holding on
You'll never see the light

With flowers in her hair
I gazed upon with dead lovers eyes
She never looked so good
And I never felt so right

okay so i'm feeling somewhat better. women cause so much stress. im not talking to kelsy anymore...idk how long that will last.. but shes probably the number 1 cause of my problems. sometimes it seems like she really cares, and other times shes being a total asshole. i give up..

on second note. im changing my look a little, possibly thinking of a different color to dye my hair.. im thinking of light brown with blonde streaks. and im making the gauges in my ears smaller... ive gotten sick of them.

so yeah.. im tired. really tired. between school and work its exhausting. i need sleep. im gonna go to bed..i cant really think of anything to write.

i wish someone cared...

im not saying that im depressed... im just in a weird mood. i watched Rent tonight. the ending was so sad... i cried. it really was a great movie.

anyways... it made me think about people ive lost in my life. i talked to sheri tonight. i appologized to her for all the shit i said/did... she was one of the girls i truely cared about. until she left me for my ex..who just recently left her.

then i talked to a friend of mine that i had a crush on for awhile... turns out shes dating one of my friends. so much for that. so i spent the night crying (not that i like to admit that) i cant hide my feelings anymore... i called kelsy cuz shes supposed to be my friend... she told me she didnt wanna hear my bullshit and hung up on me. every time she has a problem, i listen to her. some people i wish i never met in my life. the feeling of attachment. knowing that all she does is upset me, yet im so emotionally and physically attached to her... it drives me insane. its like i cant leave her... even though it kills me inside. i just dont know what to do anymore... i need someone, someone who cares.

first entry.

i was bored so i made one of these things.. not that anyone cares what i have to rant about. but yeah, winter break is almost over... which means i'll have to go back to school. i hate it, i hate the kids there, all they do is cause drama. drama and stress. i dont mind the work though, honestly i'm doing pretty good with my grades and stuff like that.

i need a break, i feel like im loosing it. like i cant control my emotions anymore. i dont want to feel them anymore. love has completely torn me apart so many times, i dont know why i bother.

turns out that 95% of my "friends" are really assholes. they love to talk shit behind my back, but don't have the balls to say it to my face. i hate that. if you dont like someone why would you pretend to?

although, there are some people in my life who are always there for me. very few, but the ones who are, you guys mean the world to me. i can talk about anything and everything and you guys would listen. it means alot to me.

but anyways, i feel like i've gone on a rant. so thats it for now. later.